Abba Nahi Maanenge! Toh Manana Kyun Hain?

Updated: Jul 10

No, the intention is not to make you disobey your parents and get you thrown out. The idea is simple – to make you stand on your own.

One day out of the blue if your father comes to you and asks you to marry a random girl how do you think you are going to react. Are you going to look at the picture and then decide or the initial thought would be WTF! That is exactly what your parents would feel when you present them with any random idea whether it is about a career choice or a course. One thing that has to be kept in mind is if your parents have spent their hard-earned money on your education so far, they definitely want a better future for you and we need to add a word ‘secure’ here to the future. Thus, stop blaming your parents for acting as a hindrance rather it is time that you start taking yourself seriously.

Past is the future

Our past holds the key to the future and we are busy moving on!?! The world has wanted you to just keep moving on so that you don’t better yourself rather it wants you to want them and their remedies and their solutions for every new rock you face in your life so that you keep working for them and keep spending on them. That’s so silly. No, it’s not that we cannot do anything about the past, we definitely can. Ask the market researchers about it. As for you, you need to think – have you ever done things that have made your parents boast of you in their society or relatives. Don’t give a sob story that no matter what you do it’s always less and blah blah blah! Face reality. It matters. It creates ground for your flight later in life.

Let’s take it another way round. Have you been consistent with your studies or sports? Forget about those two. What about music, dance, arts or anything which can be called skill or a talent? What about your friends- have you had a great set of friends who are doing well for themselves right now? Or were you one of those who spent their time playing video games and reading comic books and there also were not really careful about keeping those things properly. Here you are.

The science is simple – our past actions lead to the people’s reactions in the future. They are not judging you. They just know you. They know that you lack determination and focus. They know you get swayed easily and with any new thing. They know you don’t make decisions. Have not so far. Then why to blame them? Why make your father guilty of things you did not do so far. The fault is not in your stars, they are ready to shine brightly rather the fault is in your past deeds.

The only key to success

When was the first time, your father asked you to go to a bank and deposit a check or some cash? You must be around fifteen or sixteen. Have you ever wondered why he did not send you earlier? No silly it’s not that you were now as big as Undertaker. It is because he has the confidence that you would be careful with the money as well as with the process of depositing the money. He knows that you can now do the decision making there at the bank. It may sound small but it is pretty big.

Take another instance; after you cleared your school or college have you ever gotten a call from your aunt or uncle asking your help for their child? Why was it so? It is because it was assumed that since you have been through the process you would be able to advise your cousin, in short, your ‘decision making of that time’ would be considered if not agreed upon.

Now answer this. How do you think one grows in an organization? If your answer is – hard work, talent, skills, experience, licking boss’s bumps (it does seem to work for some), then you have not been thinking. Even if you are at the bottom-most level in any organization it is your decision making that will make you grow. It is your decision to come on time each day to work that will make your senior consider you for a project that is time-bound. If you have saved even a small amount of money for your company then you will be trusted with a bigger sum in the future. Decision making is key. The quicker and better decisions you make the more you would grow. Even in your group or family, have you had a dominant person who makes people do whatever he says? It is not that he always bullies. It is more often than not the kind of decisions he took – whether about which movie to watch or where to celebrate the birthday or where to spend the weekend, which earned the person his audience including you.

Sachin Tendulkar took his decisions and stood by them even before he became anything of cricket forget about the god. He did not wait for his father’s approval rather he managed his time accordingly. He started at age 12 and took four years before he played his first formal match. MS Dhoni did the same. He showed right from the beginning that he is made for cricket and took his decisions accordingly. Krishna took his decision to move out of Vrindavan and then later Mathura. Bhagat Singh took his decision to bomb the English Parliament in India. Subhash Chandra Bose took his decision to quit Congress. It is time for you to take yours. You missed starting early, don’t worry. Start now. It is never late rather the time you start is your time.

Okay, now what?

However easy it may sound here it is not in real life. You might have been planning to decide a few things since a long time but how to work on it is the question. The answer is pretty straightforward if not simple. Build your own bridge. Build your own ground. Work it out. Sweat.

If you are in college, join an NGO. Work for the organization. Spend time doing a good deed. You would learn not just very valuable social economics but also a few things about the real world. If you want to earn money then also understand that every action need not be leading you to a gold mine. A runway is just a simple road and has got nothing to do with flying but without it, a plane cannot take off. You build your runway.

If not an NGO, join as an intern in any company in the sector you would like to work later. Don’t go for money but look for experience. If you want to get into films, music or any place related to performing arts then start creating your piece. Performing arts means you have to perform for the audiences and thus start showcasing your work to your friends and relatives. Wait for them to say some good words about your work; you would see that your folks are going to soon agree to them.

If you are a working professional now it is even better. You meet the real world butchers every day and getting trained well. You have the time and the money to work on your plans. Pick any day in a week to work on it. Start with spending an hour each time on your plan. Spread the word in your office and get some reviews on your plan. It does happen you just need to pick up and start.

Take your time. Don’t set a deadline for yourself. It is not a stupid race but a journey. Create your own runway your style, after all, it is your flight. Soon you would realize that your Abba does not need to be cajoled but he himself would ask you for the next step.

Be Atma-nirbhar and not Abba-nirbhar.

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